She's even wearing all black!

The Southern Belle Hat from BHLDN. The description reads:

For long afternoons spent sipping lemonade on the porch swing, Hat Attack’s wide-brimmed beauty is just the thing, with its clean white hue and crisp black bow. 5” brim. Toyo braid, cotton and rayon ribbon. Spot clean. Imported.

LOL what! This is no porch and lemonade hat! This is CLEARLY the hat that you wear after your favorite male suitor rejects your love confession in favor of marrying your plain and meek cousin so that on the same day you have no choice to marry a guy you don't care about in order to spite everyone — who dies two months later and then you have to be in mourning clothes at the ball and then Rhett Butler chooses you to dance with anyway!

Such a hat! :miniheart:

Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut

I've just recently finished Breakfast of Champions, now my third Vonnegut book!

The premise:
Kilgore Trout is a science fiction novelist. Dwayne Hoover is a car salesman on the brink of insanity. One of Kilgore Trout's science fiction books proposes everyone on Earth is a robot, except for the reader of the book, who has free will. Dwayne meets Trout, reads the book, believes it to be a personalized message from God, and goes on a violent rampage.

The reader is told this succinct plot summary in the very first pages. The novel then starts from the beginning of the outline, with Kilgore Trout setting off for travel to Midland City where he will eventually meet Dwayne and become the spark that initiates his downfall.

THERE IS TOO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT THIS BOOK! I can't make it through without rambling. Maybe I'll give a tl;dr version?

  • This book could have been mediocre but instead it's amazing
  • This book would be terrible if Vonnegut didn't have a remarkable intuition for storytelling
  • Vonnegut uses 3 gimmicks here: drawings, Kilgore's micronovels, and author-in-story
  • Thought the micronovels were well done, the author-in-story was brilliant
  • Wasn't really sold on the drawings

And with that, the avalanche!

(Read the rest of my book rambling)

Engineers, I am disappoint

Dear engineers,

Your opinion on a product doesn't matter unless everyone else (in the target demographic) agrees with you.

Why, engineers, is this so hard for you, of all people, to stomach??

On one hand, computer engineers immediately recognize the evils of premature optimization: Clearly you can't assume the slow, simplistic approach is no good; instead run performance tests and benchmarks to see if it matters. It's a waste of time to guess where your bottlenecks are; instead use a profiler to prove where things are slowing down. If some O(2^n) function isn't affecting performance, it's not slow.

Similarly, computer engineers fully understand how foolish it is to design an API without asking their clients for input. Who cares if you think it'd be helpful to provide a million arguments to a constructor so one could customize it just so; if your clients don't want it, then your API is flawed.

These classic engineering principles are so naturally understood and accepted because they echo the fundamental principles of science: Do research. Get data. Crunch numbers. Yes, you can make observations and you can have your guesses and hunches and feelings, but obviously hypothesis != proof.

And yet! While an engineer will swear upon these scientific tenets in a decidedly engineering environment, when it comes to the business-y aspects of a product, suddenly his/her rationale becomes entirely emotional.

When it comes to the UI of a product, or its set of features, or its marketing campaign, I know so many engineers who draw conclusions — stubborn conclusions! — largely based on their personal feelings and intuition:

"This UI sucks; it's ugly and weird to me."
"This is the best product I've ever used. How DARE X company cancel the project?"
"I hate this product and here is my well-reasoned explanation of why I hate it. Therefore it is awful."

Yes, engineer, you may have your opinions. Your opinions may be logical and valid.

But who cares what you think, if your opinion isn't significant? No, a UI doesn't suck if it sucks for you; it only sucks if it sucks for everyone. No, a company shouldn't keep around a great product if only 1000 people buy it. Think the iPad is a douchey, glorified iPhone with a name that never fails to remind you lady products? You have every right to hate as your heart pleases! But Apple isn't stupid for making it.

You and your opinion represent one data point. Don't be baffled or insulted or outraged when your company (or another) acts as such. It'd be downright unscientific to act otherwise!

Singing in Korean

(never forget the epic)
Sorry for the blogging silence; life's been busy so micro blogging is easier!

Went on vacation to Korea with my mom last week! It was awesome to see family I haven't seen in years, and awesome to revisit a country that is in some way so different from America! And delicious food everywhere, yet one still manages to lose weight just by being in the country! There's a lot to say about the trip, so I'll post things in tidbits as I have time.

Today's topic: FOOD

Korean food is delicious– and not that spicy, even though it might look like it. Lots of sweet meats, and lots of interesting side dishes!

Also, pretty much every Korean restaurant had a "Tea Time" coffee machine that dispensed liiittle maybe 2-3oz cups of the most delicious latte. (Protip: the coffee machine drops down the cup for you!) For free! …it might not seem like much, but Korea has some of the most ridiculous coffee prices in the world. You think Starbucks in Seattle is expensive? In Korea it was about $5 for a small iced cappuccino, and there was a LOT of ice!

(more to read below!)

Fox News and Lady Gaga

I had a strange realization today: Lady Gaga reminds me of… Fox News.

What do I mean by that? Well, so Fox News is not a news corporation run by conservatives; it is a business run by actors who are smartly capitalizing on a demographic that has been largely ignored for years. I honestly doubt many of the Fox News anchors or other employees are conservative: their whole shtick is so obviously calculated, so clearly trying to appear rah-rah right wing regular Joe America — from the "Fair and Balanced" slogan to the predictably over-the-top articles like this from last month — I mean really Conservatives, can't you see Fox News is actually insulting you? But no, it's depressingly effective! Fox News can give the laziest, most stereotypical 1-dimensional portrayal of Conservative America, and depressingly, people eat it up.

THIS IS EXACTLY MY FEELINGS ON LADY GAGA

Lady Gaga embarrasses me with her painfully obvious attempts to be controversial. Case in point: Her latest song is called Judas. It features lyrics such as, "I'm in love with Judas." Her video features sexy Nazareth and she's a sexy Mary Magdalene. WOW HOW EDGY

And yet…! The Catholics are offended, and Gaga's fans are effusive as ever in their praise of her daring and creativity. Bleh.

Just as I don't mind a contrived conservative-leaning news station, I don't mind Lady Gaga pandering to a market, and I don't mind her being a businesswoman instead of a ~true artist~. I'm just depressed that she can be so massively successful when her intentions lack even a shred of subtlety!

(ps: obligatory one true judas)

I LOVE HIDDEN CANADIANS

Meg and I went to Poppy yesterday for dinner! It was great! They serve thalis which are little meals with a lot of different little stuff; our waiter described it as like a mix between tapas and bento and that was pretty accurate. We started with eggplant fries and I had the 7 item salmon thali, so good! Expensive but really cute and delicious, and no wait for a table!

BUT in addition to the meal info I give you insight into Meg's and my respective souls:

Waiter: Blah blah blah thanks for coming in you two
Me: Thank you
Waiter: Have a great night, and a great weekend too eh! (leaves)
Me and Meg:
Meg: (reaching for her wallet) Gotta up the tip, he's Canadian!

Canadian Waiters: Notice how our waiter strategically avoided Canadianisms until the final divulging eh. This sudden, discontinuous jump from 0 to Canada is what so greatly moved our hearts (and dolla bills).

American Waiters: Don't even try!

Idea to improve Google Maps and life

As a bad driver driving in Seattle, I wish Google Maps had a "I suck at driving" option for directions. Instead of the fastest route to your destination, it'd be the easiest: fewest scary confusing roads, least traffic, no big hills; just quiet, easy driving. If where I'm trying to go is a difficult place to park (cough CAPITOL HILL), the directions would lead me to some uncrowded residential street and tell me to walk 2.5 miles to my destination.

Good drivers would benefit from this, too! All the bad drivers would be corralled into the bad driver roundabout routes and the good ones can take their faster direct paths. Truly a win for everyone!

Today

I got a lemon bar with lunch and couldn't finish it because it was too sweet? The other day I tried to have sweetened strawberry yogurt (as opposed to plain unsweetened) and was similarly unable to finish.

What…

have I become…

ADORABLE

The Chrome GPU team decided to instigate its own GPU WebKit gardener rotation to maintain the GPU-related WebKit layout tests. There was a vote for the name of this position, and initially I was sad that "GPU Pixel Wrangler" won – so uncute!

Then I saw the doc page:

Heart warmed mind changed!!

Why I hate Glee

Listen to this perfection:

Compared to this fakey forced noise. A strong voice terribly lacking in artistry or emotion (or creativity; she's obv just trying to copy the above performance but even still can't get it right!).

EDIT: That Lea Michele performance bothers me so much that I have to continue my rant!

(Further analysis/obsessing after the cut)

I know 3 entire Mariah Carey albums start to finish (does not include memoirs)

Was about to have SUCH a fail day at the gym! Forgot my tennis shoes, left my ipod in my car.. so I used the elliptical instead of the treadmill, and listened to the "Hip-hop/R&B" radio option on the machine.

First song that pops up, Mariah Carey Butterfly. And I was like, I love me some Mariah, but this isn't really–

WRONG

Mariah Carey: correct soundtrack for every situation

mariah u never fail to inspire me~

In other news, Sean-ye's workout plan is WORKING OUT! Like last month I could barely do 5 min on the elliptical (lol). Yesterday went 30 minutes barely felt anything! Thank you Sean-ye WOOOO! Can't wait till I can bust out push-ups like a Navy SEAL, Sean's a-promising!

Ugh want to go to rock box in cap hill so bad!!

I'm a depth-first music fan. I think most Seattleites are breadth-first; they know lots of bands but not many thoroughly. Totally opposite of me!

See, albums are way, way better when they are singalong albums. But an album only becomes a singalong album as soon as you memorize all the songs on it. That takes dedication!

One thing that does suck about having only singalong albums in your music listening arsenal is that it's super frustrating to listen to music in a public place, like on the bus or (in my case now) the train. Want to sing/emote along to JCS soundtrack but societal norms are holding me back…!!

It's not science, it's magic!

With NASA's announcement that a giant terror moon's a-coming, I remembered a truth: Science is boring. You know what's not boring? MAGIC

Alright, so people have recognized this and tried to make the connection but they're still doing it wrong.

OTHER WAY AROUND, GROWN-UPS

Science should not be taught in normal K-12 schools. Science should be taught in separate, special Academies of Wizardry.

The Academy of Wizardry is rigorous and you have to memorize several esoteric, ancient texts that explain the secrets of life and how to control this power. Atoms are pixie dust (there are many kinds, as the periodic table explains) and most of what we know and understand is comprised of these elements. But most of the universe is, well, mysterious dark matter.

You practice magic in a controlled cave wearing goggles and a cape to protect you, but if you're not careful people get hurt anyway (magic can be unpredictable).

Scientific predictions, such as when an earthquake will happen, or the weather forecast, or a giant terror moon conquering the night, should be sacred prophesies only known and foreseen by graduates of the Academy of Wizardry.

Who would want to go to regular school if you could go to magic school? We'd have armies of wizards creating potions to cure diseases and the colleges would be desperate for artists and writers.

"Oh huh, interesting choice of web framework"

http://www.craigs-lisp.com

Weird, why are all the words spelled funny?
Oh — OH! oh god, that kind of lisp… not…

OTL

You're a good man, Snoop Dogg

It's funny how sometimes the emotion and intent of a piece of writing can transcend the writing itself.

Case in point: Pretty much every time I've seen people use "netspeak" on Facebook or Twitter to comment on a death or tragedy, it comes off tacky and inappropriate. But in Snoop Dogg's reflection on Nate Dogg's passing, it's heartfelt and touching:

We lost a true legend n hip hop n rnb. One of my best friends n a brother to me since 1986 when I was a sophomore at poly high where we met

I love u buddy luv. U will always b wit me 4ever n a day u put the g n g funk u put the 1 n 213 n u put yo stamp on evrybdy u ever didit wit

I miss u cuzz I am so sad but so happy I got to grow up wit u and I will c u again n heaven cuz u know d slogan

all doggs go to heaven yo homie n baby brotha bigg snoopdogg!!

RIP NATE DOGG.

A glimpse into my inner monologue

I live in America. However, my brain sometimes seems to think that "America" is an appropriately precise geographic identification for every situation.

Can't wait till Abi visits America again! (she lives in portland)

Should I go to the Kirkland Office tomorrow? Actually I wasn't in America very often last week. (fremont office)

Italian would be nice for dinner… Eh but it's raining out, guess I'll stay in America. (home)

Some days I think I'm a C++ person now

Today, writing a set class in C++… "Why won't my 'union' function compile?"

d'oh.

/still a java programmer at heart

Mezzo-related note: To gauge how much programming experience an interview candidate has, I usually ask some language questions in the candidate's best language. Shocking how many Java programmers think final object fields make the object's state immutable!

final != const

You are what you mispell

Most of you know I have a few typos ingrained in me that provide unfortunate insights into my life, like "Linus" -> "Linux," "cash" -> "cache," "canada" -> "canana" (bffs should be able to figure out the reason for that!)

NEW DISCOVERY TODAY: "Pipeline" -> "pimpline"

WHAT DOES IT MEAN (i know what it means)

Ben Haggerty you do not impress me

Ugh I don't like Macklemore. People say he's ~real~ but I DON'T CARE BECAUSE HIS LYRICS ARE PREDICTABLE AND BORING. I especially hate Otherside; I can't believe this is more or less critically acclaimed.

The fact of it is most people that rap like this
talkin' about some shit they haven't lived
Surprise, you know the drill
Trapped in a box, declined record sales
Follow the formula violence, drugs, and, sex sells
So we try to sound like someone else

Yeah OK, so you're definitely talking about something you've actually lived. But it takes no creativity or talent to plainly retell the story of something that has actually happened to you. Musician drug addiction isn't something even remotely unique or surprising and this song brings absolutely nothing insightful or new to the conversation. GJ!!!!

You know who's another lyricist who writes ~real~ lyrics and has drug problems but who's far FAR superior? k I know you're all gonna hate but I'm not even kidding AMY WINEHOUSE

My name is Lasaaandra

YAY! My friend Sean is going to start personal training at Kettlebility on Saturdays starting MARCH! I am definitely signing up; Sean is the #1 strongest person in the world. I'm gonna take before pictures and I plan to look REALLY SAD and ghetto in them.


%s/LASANDRA/victoriakirst/g

EDIT: MOMENT OF BRILLIANCE: SEAN-YE'S WORKOUT PLAN (I am definitely running this name by him)